The Life Blood of Our Marriage
I took a fork full of my culinary masterpiece to my mouth in absolute smug satisfaction and….Oh my God!!! Stop eating that! said I to Tammy, not yet my girl friend, fiancee or wife.
Should Have Seen it Coming
This illustrates one of the many moments that made clear I had married wisely. Why? Because that meal sucked. An ordinary human would have spit up in their napkin, coughing and hacking their lungs out, making a bee line for the restroom and perhaps even puking just a bit. Then they would have inquired as to why I had tried to kill them with this vile dish. While I was playing chef, I presumed incorrectly that if a bit of garlic were a good thing, then a whole shit load of it was great. I was of course incorrect and ruined a perfectly mediocre meal for both of us.
So I took her out to eat which I should have done in the first place. What a cheapo. BTW: This meal continued to be on the menu, minus the glut of garlic, for months and was affectionately named Garlic Surprise.
Talking Shiz. That’s What’s for Dinner.
Before we were married, before we were engaged, before we – ya know… before we kissed, there were Wednesday dinners at 8 Edison, my cozy little bachelor pad that I shared with two drinking buddies. We actually liked each other, not the drinking buddies, long before we considered a long-term commitment. I know, how novel. But really, we got to try out our chops on each other. Speak BIG truth and see the results. To speak at length on any topic we chose was a luxury not afforded by family or even most friends. This was special. This was liberating and stimulating in an absolutely addictive fashion. Some of these conversations were continued and blown up with whirling permutations on the weekends over beers and the heady buzz that such freedom affords.
We learned about each other, for instance, what qualities we admired in others, whether children were desired, our views on religion and other issues that can make or break a marriage. So this investment of many thousands of words up front saved us much time and grief by preventing unnecessary misunderstandings and disagreements when matters became more serious. Moreover, we learned that when disagreements arose, they could be discussed civilly and intelligently sans the hysterics and drama associated with new love.
The Former and Present Life Blood
Conversation was and is King, or Queen if you like. It gave all those ideas rattling about in our love sick heads, life. The red rocks of Arizona were mere figments of our conversations long before our southwest desert honeymoon, long before our engagement. Our studio’s birth, now in its eight year of operation took place at an Asian diner near our home. The Great Jollyhoombah was an acknowledgement of imminent partying, ignited in furious conversation, long before it was this blog or a way of daily living.
Our daily walks, coffee, commutes, meals, afternoon tea and weekend toasts are are filled with appropriate species of exchange whether it be heart-to-heart, pure palaver or high-spirited repartee.
We learned that talking was easy for us, as devoid of labor as a breezy Houston Sunday in April. It was marvelous and exhilarating then, but it is now enhanced with an informed and rich history.
What roll does conversation, our life blood, play in your relationship?
Jolly Good People, Posts and Ideas
Grace Pamer of Romance Never Dies is in the business of helping couples discover their romantic side and is doing a darn good job at it. Her posts are playful, witty and informative. Read ‘em up, Jolly Reader!
18 comments about "The Life Blood of Our Marriage"
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We are Tammy and CJ, and we are tickled pink you chose to spend time with us. Frolic about
a bit, poke around, and get
your snicker on. Now, get over here, so we can pet you and
feed you nuts.
I’m single right now, but I have to tell you, CJ. This post was GREAT. It had me smiling and laughing at various parts of the story. “We actually liked each other, not the drinking buddies,” was just ridiculously funny.
Thank you for sharing the great story, CJ. I hope to find someone special who I can feel those same feelings for.
Vincent Nguyen recently posted..5 Simple Things You Can Do Today to Spread Happiness
Thank you for your kind words, Vincent. It is the highest compliment that I made someone laugh because it is my favorite thing to do. It makes me feel alive! You certainly deserve a special someone, Vincent and I would not settle for anything less:-) Have a FUN Thursday!
Ah, the never-ending conversation. I’ve been thinking lately about the fact that my husband and I have talked to each other every day for almost 29 years. When one of us is out of town, we call. Even when we are mad at each other, we are talking about it!
Rosemary recently posted..The Five Layers of “Why?” Use the Ritz Carlton’s Method to Identify the Root Cause of Any Problem
Thank you for your splendid comment, Rosemary! That is one heck of a streak you and the Hubs has going there. And what marvelous habits you have: talking on the phone while away and discussing disagreements! It makes us think we may be on the right track when we hear we are doing some of the same things as you and your husband:) The Never-Ending Conversation might make a nice book title, no?
If we run out of conversation, there’s trouble…
Great post you two!
Tony@WeOnlyDoThisOnce recently posted..Flee School: Get Out Into the Real World
Thanks for commenting, Tony, and for your kind words! Always excited to see you on the Hoombah. Succinctly, yet perfectly stated. Geez, I could have used about 500 fewer words!
Really though, what if we looked at each other one day and had nothing to say? As you say, there’d be trouble, Tom Hanks BIG trouble.
I’m trying to imagine how much garlic you used that it rendered the meal destroyed. I’m very heavy handed with the garlic in my dishes…
Lori Stalter recently posted..Getting Rid of Stress to Improve Weight Loss
Thank you for your comment, Lori Stalter! Just wanted to say the entire name since it rolls off the tongue so nicely.
Lemme see. This was 1996 so my estimations are not to be trusted. But let us conjecture anyhow. What’s heavy handed? Say 3 or 4 cloves for 2 people? I am thinking I used 8. That’s a nice even number. Yes, 8. Could that have done it? Could that have been how Garlic Surprise got its name?
Mmmmm, yeah! I think I used about that much in a dish for four people last night. So I can see that being a tad overwhelming in a dish meant to feed two. Have you seen elephant garlic? Those cloves are huge! I remember thinking, “What would happen if I used the number of cloves called for in the recipe, but used elephant garlic?”
Have a jolly day!
Lori Stalter recently posted..Getting Rid of Stress to Improve Weight Loss
Thank you Lori! After 17 years we are finally to the bottom of the matter! But I’ve never heard of elephant garlic. It would have made a far better post could I have used the term elephant garlic and got a few extra chuckles out of the reader. Hope you have a super-mega fun weekend!
So apart from the garlic…what did the rest of the meal consist of CJ? I bet a spaghetti bolognaise type concoction; that’s all us bachelors ever seem to know how to cook.
If it’s any conciliation – I have a 100 percent success rate of cocking up important ‘first date’ meals too – like you say, restaurants are safer territory for us cooking incompetents.
Although to tell you a funny story, an ex of mine cooked a sea food platter on one of our first dates; and thanks to my complete loathing for anything marine or mollusc, I turned green and almost threw up during our ‘romantic’ meal, despite my best efforts to look engaged. I was therefore, one of the ungrateful ‘most people’ group you refer to; no surprise the relationship only lasted a few months. I did try though
To be crude CJ, I crave intellectual intercourse more than the physical type – so what you’re saying really rings true for me. Those relationships initially based on friendship have for me always been the most fulfilling – the ones where you talked about anything and everything; where you knew the other intellectually and emotionally inside out before things progressed.
It provides that all important solid foundation of honesty, openness and friendship that sees you through the good times and bad; making you soul mates. Something that you and Tammy so clearly illustrate.
Gareth recently posted..Keep the Faith
Thank you so much, Gareth, for your hearty comment. It excites us that someone gets physical intercourse can be had with anyone, yet intellectual intercourse is rare and precious indeed.
We too can stomach very little seafood, so we admire your fortitude in choking down the sea food platter.
The meal, Gareth, was a pot full of black beans, peppers, corn, barbecue sauce and perhaps some other miscellaneous ingredients. The meal has been retired as we like its legendary status. If we were to continue to prepare it, we fear it would lose its luster.
If you ever drop by, we shall resurrect the dish just for you! Then again, dining out may be our best bet. Cheers!
How lovely that you have found your intellectual soul mate. Like Lori I also have doubt if such a thing as too much garlic exists. Not ideal for a first kiss though. My BF ruined black pepper for me, one morning he tried to make crepes and went really heavy on the pepper, my eating it was a real act of love. Anyway, I think without common values you have no future, so better define them right away and save some years of dating for nothing. Sure life is made of sacrifices but if one default or aspiration is a deal breaker why chose a person that has it? When you talked before dating you didn’t have your eyes blinded by love. Too often we try to please the other during the first months and say yes to everything only to explode later on. Better start real.
Pauline recently posted..Friday recap, no more love and a carnival
Pauline! Such a pleasure to have your comment on the Hoombah! It it nearly inconceivable to me as well that I somehow overdid garlic. It’s an absolutely addictive flavor and fragrance. I must have been chatting away with my girly-friend to be and lost track of the cooking. And oh, yes, good thing there was no stinky smooching on that occasion.
Black pepper and garlic would be so nice together. Imagine if one were to overdo both in the same dish!
People say opposites attract, but I would ask, “Do they stay together?” Our common interests fuel our intellectual drive and desire to be together. Ha! We both had been the exploding route. What a hassle!
We were (well me anyhow) very fortunate to have found each other and I remind myself, or she makes an act to remind me, of this each day. Again, Pauline, thanks for your comment. We love your blog , it’s wise financial tips and learning of your Guatemalan adventures;)
aw thank you so much!
Pauline recently posted..Carnival of Financial Independence, first edition
It is Sir Jolly’s and Lady Hoombah’s pleasure. Hope your day is fun and relaxing, Pauline!
You could of changed your names and inserted ours in there, altered a couple of location details, and you would have our story.
We too have had so many of those big conversations already, and look up to your fantastic, loving, long lasting relationship as an inspiration. Ours has only been a year and a half, and we hope that we are as deeply in love as you two when we have been together as long as you two have.
Big virtual hug for a great piece of writing. Mark and Jess.
Mark Adam Douglass (@MADouglass) recently posted..Blog To Book
MAD! What a pleasant compliment your comment is to my first and second cup this morning! This is grand to know that we in some way can offer even a shred of wisdom, especially since I am in the business of committing so many unwise acts. Tammy, on the other hand, is a virtual sage of life;)
We truly hope that you and Jess are having every bit as much love and fun in your lives as we. And that is lasts and lasts and lasts!
As always, thank you for such kind words – and a triple super-high-energy Hoombah squeeze for you and Jess!