CJ was bringing the last of my boxes to the car. Days of packing and finalizing paired with my already compromised physical state had worn me down.
It was not the exit I’d planned with CJ and I running off into the sunset with fireworks shooting off the tops of our heads and streamers flowing from our backsides.
I felt empty and a bit dead inside.
Hyperbole? Perhaps. Poignant memories make better stories.
I was hugging “Marco.” He and I had been working together for the past two years, I as a literacy coach and he as a second grade teacher. My role in the school was to improve literacy instruction by working alongside teachers as a coach.
Marco was my prize pupil. Eager and green, he soaked up anything I said and applied it in his classroom. In addition, he was a self-starter and brought new ideas to the table. We were a professional match made in heaven.
Many afternoons, I would look up to find him standing in my office doorway with questions about one teaching approach or another. His students were the beneficiaries of an explosion of ideas paired with motivation. They were learning and loved coming to school.
Several other teachers and staff in the building were moving and shaking. What on earth, pray tell, could be the problem?
Relationship on Hold
Sometimes it takes a big event for the thickest of us to make a move. Call me fearful, stubborn, driven, or whatever. I had spent the first ten years of my teaching career proving myself.
As long as I looked good when I stepped into the school building or meeting, I was ok. Together. Sure my pants fit a bit snugly and eventually I needed a larger size. Ok, my husband and I were barely affectionate despite a great love. The world needs good teachers, great teachers, and I was going to be the best there ever was.
The importance of a more proficient model is invaluable in learning. I watch you, emulate your actions, and I move closer to proficient. So why was it not clicking that CJ had done it and, by golly, so could I? Beliefs place a great stranglehold upon you when left unchecked. And my beliefs were not rational, perhaps even delusional.
Some of the irrational beliefs I held were:
There are more from where those came, but given that the theme of this blog is Fun I will spare you the downward spiral.
More than Surviving
Even after seven years of running my own tutoring business, I realize that many of the rational beliefs I held in teaching still ring true today.
I see my life as a grand experiment. Where will I be in five years? I don’t know. While I can bet it will have something to do with my strengths and interests, I cannot say exactly what that might look like.
My eyes are wide open.
And you, Jolly one? What limiting beliefs, if any, have you?